Clint,
There?s an old saying that if you give someone an ultimatum, then that?s just what you?ll get. I understand you?re trying to set some boundaries for you relationship with your parents and that?s understandable, but what it may sound to them is like you?re saying its, "My way or the highway". And hey, that?s a perfectly appropriate approach in a situation like yours. But you should realize the letter you?re planning on sending as it is now, is an ultimatum.
Remember the mind control they?re under. The relationship of "convenience" (not exactly sure what you mean by that) may be all they?re capable of giving you at this time. I think you?re correct to let them know you?re disappointed in their behavior and that the current status quo isn?t what you desire in a relationship with them. I certainly would be sure to make them feel the pain of their decision, by no longer calling them. But if and when they decide to call, I would talk with them. Sure, why not. Be cordial and polite. But, I wouldn?t let them put any JW guilt trip crap on me. If you hear any of that stuff, allow them to finish their comment and then politely inform them that from now on you also don?t want to discuss any Watchtower Society related. Hey, if they want to come to your wedding let them. If they don?t come, they don?t come. But I wouldn?t be concerned about it either way. It?s out of your span of control.
This letter you?re planning on sending to your parents is kinda like a letter a JW might send to a former member, but its just written in reverse, ya know what I mean? Why not just let them find their own way? Probably though if they follow the typical pattern, they?re gonna slowly loose contact with you anyway. There?s little you can do about it.
Also, you sound a bit like you?re ?victimizing? in the letter. Man, don?t ever give someone you?re trying to manipulate (and yes, its ok to manipulate) any kind of leverage. You sound somewhat ?pleafull? in your tone. Be tough with them, it?s the only way. For example, " Mom and Dad, I love you both and I want you to know that my door remains open to you. I?m here if you need me. But so that you know, I won?t be rejoining the Watchtower Society in any capacity. It?s simply not right for me. I respect you?re decision if that?s the path you have chosen for yourselves. Please, respect mine in return." You may add a little here or there but keep it short and to the point. You sound like you?re very uncomfortable (in your letter) with the current situation and that you need some kind of closure for your peace of mind. That perceived "need" can be used against you. Remember that the concept of shunning is to pummel the "wayward" individual into submission. Be strong and let them know they aren?t going to manipulate YOU. This approach disarms them, trust me on this one.
I wouldn?t get into any discussion with them, either in your letter or in person about the fallacies of the Watchtower Society. That just sounds like you?re justifying your decision to leave. Let your decision stand on its own merits. Don?t try to convince them of anything concerning the Watchtower Society. Anyway, it will only serve to put a wedge between you and them. If in the future you believe they are questioning that?s one thing, but for now I wouldn?t discuss anything Watchtower related with them. You?re always going to be the child to them in their eyes and you aren?t going to be able to show them the light, as it were. Give up on that right now.
I hope this helps. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but I?ve been at this a long time and know the road ahead of you. Of course every situation is different but there is a common thread in all these cases.
You can email me if you?d like to discuss this more offline at [email protected]
Good Luck,
Steve
